Secret State of Mind
by Colorful Rainfall
Summary: Ally has a secret. One she wants to keep secret, not on Austin's watch. He won't do anything till he figures out what's wrong with Ally. Bad summary,I know. But please read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own austin & ally**

Austin POV

Ally's been acting weird lately... She keeps on avoiding Dez, Trish and I. She always looks so depressed. I want to know whats wrong with my best friend.

I walked into Sonic Boom and saw Dez shooting a video of him dominos. They were set up all around the store. "Don't step on them, you'll ruin it!" He was yelling at some customers standing by.

"Hey Dez!"

"Hey Aust-watch your feet!"

"Sorry," I say taking a step back," wow I can't believe Ally let you do this."

"Oh she didn't, in fact I haven't seen her all day." He informs.

He then runs off to yell at customers to watch their step. I go up the stairs to the practice room. No ones in here, not even ally. I sit down at the piano and start to sing a song we've been working on.

_I'll be your entertainer_  
_I'm putting on a show_  
_I'm gonna levitate ya_  
_Leave you wa-wa-wanting more_

_I see you fascinated_  
_I've got you hypnotized_  
_White gloves put your dream up_  
_A fantasy before your eyes_

_Step right up on the stage_  
_Free yourself from the cage (from the cage)_  
_Pick a card and guess it girl_  
_Here's a lesson girl_  
_It's just an illusion_

_1, 2, 3, I disappear_  
_Coming right back_  
_So stay right here_  
_Ain't no second guess girl_  
_I'm impressive girl_  
_But I'm just an illusion_

_Oh, Uh, Listen_  
_I ain't no fake Houdini_  
_I put a spell on you_  
_I'm something like a genie_  
_Girl I make your wish come true_

_And now our time is running_  
_With every grain of sand_  
_So here's the grand finale_  
_Watch me do my sleight of hand_

_Step right up on the stage_  
_Free yourself from the cage (from the cage)_  
_Pick a card and guess it girl_  
_Here's a lesson girl_  
_It's just an illusion_

_1, 2, 3, I disappear_  
_Coming right back_  
_So stay right here (Oh, yeah)_  
_Ain't no second guess girl_  
_I'm impressive girl_  
_But I'm just an illusion_

_Somewhere in a dream_  
_We'll meet again my baby_  
_And I promise that I won't disappear_  
_I'll be right here_  
_And I won't be, won't be, won't be_  
_Just an illusion_  
_Yeah baby_

_Step right up on the stage_  
_Free yourself from the cage (from the cage)_  
_Pick a card and guess it girl_  
_Here's a lesson girl_  
_Its just an illusion_

_1,2,3 I disappear_  
_Comin' right back_  
_So stay right here_  
_Ain't no second guessing girl_  
_I'm impressive girl_  
_But I'm just an illusion_

_Step right up_  
_On the stage_  
_Free yourself from the cage (from the cage)_  
_Pick a card and guess it girl_  
_Here's a lesson girl_  
_Its just an illusion_

_1,2,3 I disappear_  
_Comin' right back_  
_So stay right here_  
_Ain't no second guessing girl_  
_I'm impressive girl_  
_But I'm just an illusion_

Sigh. Where's Ally? I saw something brown on the table. I walked closer and saw it was Ally's Book. I have a strong urge to read it, but I learned from that mistake. Still it might tell me what's up about with Ally has been so distant. I decide to look inside.

12/14/12

Dear journal, I just want to die. I want to crawl into a hole and die. But I can't leave Trish, Dez and Austin. They would be devastated. I just don't know what to do anymore. At the beginning it was easy to hind, but now it's getting harder and harder. Gotta go journal, my father is back. Wish me luck, I'll need it.

She just added this yesterday. Wow, just wow, I can't believe Ally feels this way. But why? Why does she feel the need to die? I need to talk to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: Do you own Austin & Ally Alyssa? Why no I do not._**

Ally's POV

Where's my book? I looked everywhere. "Wow, just wow, I can't believe Ally feels this way. But why? Why does she feel the need to die? I need to talk to her." Austin? What is he doing and what is he doing here? Oh ya we were going to work on our song. But wait, what is he doing with my book?

" Austin what are you doing with my book!?" I shouted at him hearing my voice crack, I hope he didn't hear.

"Uh uh uh nothing, bye!" He said as he left.

I looked at the page he was reading. It was the day I almost committed suicide. My dad is an abusive drunk and he had just got home from the bar. I suffered the most pain that day. I shivered at the memory.

Just then I hear a crash and a scream. What was that? I think it came from the store. Oh god the store, if the store is messy, my dad will kill me and literally mean kill me. I run down the stairs to see thousands of dominos falling down. Dez!

"Dez how many times have I told you? I asked," no dominos in the store!"

" Actually you've never told me that." He retorted.

" We'll I'm telling you now, no dominos in the store." I told him. " now can you please help me pick these up before my dad comes home?"

I started picking up as many dominos I can fit into my arms.

"Ally!" My dad yelled at me."why are there dominos all over the store?!"

"I promise I will pick all of them up and put them away."

"You better or- or what?" Austin said cutting him off. Wait austin? What is he doing here? I thought he left!

"Austin I think you and Dez should leave, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow."

Austin POV

I don't think I should leave. I think Lester is hurting Ally. I decide to stay around. I pretended I left and hid.

" who is that boy?"

" My friend Austin."

" Well I don't want you to talk to him anymore, you got that?" He asked gripping her wrists.

"Got it dad."

"Good" he said tossing into the wall " now go pick up those dominos or else."

"She bit her lip and nodded. Lester left, so I decided to get up and help. Plus I needed to talk to Ally about all of this.

I get out of my hiding place and sneak up behind Ally. "Boo!"

Ahh! She screamed. She put her hands on her mouth and looked up the stairs and breathed a sigh of relief. "Austin are you crazy, what are you doing here?

"I think a better question is why would you write those things in your book?" He asked "Does Lester hurt you?"

"No why would you think that?" She said looking down.

I put my hand under her chin and bring her face up to mine " tell me."

She sighs and nods her head.

**A/n alright now you know everything! Jk! I've only scratched the surface. Please keep reading!**

**I saw this been done in other stories: Question of the day.**

**Today's question: which is better? Nickelodeon vs. Disney channel. **


	3. Authors note

**Authors note!**

**I know you guys have wanted a new chapter, sorry. I have been completely stressed out with school and family. Don't worry though, I am updating today. I'm going to commit my day to writing and reading, I have been reading a story called "Will you smile for me?" By kf103Pixie. Anyway look for an update later today :) **

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**P.s. thank you for all of the reviewers! It really means a lot.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own austin &ally**

_Ally POV:_

I can't believe I told Austin about my dad. At least i didnt tell him about... I wonder what he's going to say. He's just looking at me bewildered. SPEAK AUSTIN WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?!

"Austin?" , I ask.

He snaps out of it and starts talking. "You need to move in with me."

" I can't Austin, you don't know my dad, he will hurt you and me worse...", I retort.

"Ally has he ever...", he starts.

"Raped me?, yes he has...", I say looking down.

"That's it," he said picking me up,"I'm making you live with me, whether you like me to or not, until your jackass of a father goes to jail."

"No Austin, let go!" I struggle. It's no use. He has a hard grip on me.

* * *

_Austin POV: _

I can't believe Ally wants to stay here with her pervert father. He deserves to go to jail for what he has done to Ally.

"I'm calling the police.", I say when I get to my house. It's two blocks away from Ally's house. I wish it was miles away from her house right now. I don't want her dad to find her.

Ally doesn't say anything. I looked at her. She looks out of it. "Als do you want to nap before dinner?"

"Ok." She sighed.

"Here I'll take you to the guest room." I led her through the hallway to the guest room.

"Whoa this room is huge!" She said.

It had a queen sized bed, a flat screen, a balcony, and it's own bathroom. "Yeah, here are some of my sisters pajamas, I think she's about your size."

"Thanks Austin, this really means a lot to me." She smiled.

"No problem, now rest." I say exiting the room.

* * *

_Ally's POV:_

I can't sleep, not with just happened. My dad is probably freaking out right now. I look at my cellphone and sure enough I have 10 missed calls, 7 voice mails, and 21 texts all from my dad. I decided to listen to the voice mails first.

First one:"Allyson Marie Dawson, how dare you leave without telling me!"

"You didn't pick up the dominos, and no one is watching the store, you better get your ass back home!"

All of were like that except the last one:

" I asked your best friend Trish, she said you were probably with Austin, and she gave me his address. See ya in five minutes baby girl," he said in an evil voice.

I run out of the room and find Austin on the phone.

"Ok ok thanks bye." He hung up the phone and noticed me.

"My dad is coming.", I said.

"What, why?" He asked. I had him listen to the voicemail.

"What are we going to do?"

"You go hide, I think we have two minutes until he gets he- Ally, Ally open this door right now!" My dad said cutting him off.

I run and hide as fast as possible. Austin opened the door and...


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin & Ally. I promise.**

* * *

_Ally's POV_

"Hello Mr Dawson." I hear Austin say.

"Hello son, do you know where Ally is.", my dad say appearing...nice?

"No sir I don't know where she is."

I can feel my dad getting angry. I hope he doesn't attack Austin.  
I look out a bit, just enough that he couldn't see me, but I could see him. I was right. Hs face is getting red and I think he's about to choke him. I was right.

"That's a fucking lie!", he yells and grabs Austin's throat.

"No, it's not.", I hear Austin choke out.

"Tell me where she is, or I'll kill you on the spot.", my dad threatens.

"No..", I hear Austin say. Is he stupid? I don't want Austin do die for me. I get out of my hiding place and show my presence.

"I'm right here daddy."

My dad throws Austin into some glass vases on the wall and he starts bleeding a lot. "Austin!", I yell.

"Shut up girl or your gonna end up the same way."

"I don't care!", I shout.

"Oh don't you?" I shook my head. I really don't care. Truth is I have been wanting to die for a long time. Never tried to commit suicide though. If Austin died though, then I don't have much to live for.

"Fine then", he picked my up and spun me. I got thrown into a stainless steel refrigerator. Then he left.

I have had my head crack open before. It was weird when I happened. I fell down a large metal staircase. I think you could figure it out from there. It's really scary. I thought I was going to die. Much like how I feel now. I feel like head cracked open, and I'm going to die.

"Ally, are you okay?" I hear Austin say.

"Austin, your alive?"

"Yeah, I'm going to call 911 to get us.

"Okay, I think I cracked my head open."

Instantly Austin called 911

* * *

_Austin's POV:_

"911, what your emergency?"

"Me and my friend are hurt, I think she has cracked her skull.

"Can your friend move?"

"Ally can you around at all?" She shook her head.

"Mmmkay, and what's your address?" I give it her and we hung up.

I could see Ally pass out. "Ally stay awake."

"Ughg", she groaned.

"Ughg to you too."

"Am I going to die?" She asks scared.

"I sure hope not, I love you." I let slip.

"Oh..., I love you too." She said.

"As a friend?"

"No."

"You like me more?"

* * *

_Ally's POV:_

I might die, I might as well let my feelings out. I admitted to liking Austin. "Yes Austin, I. Love. You."

"I love you Alls." He replies

"So are we...?"

"Yes we are."

We both smile big grin. I really hope I don't die. I hear sirens. The ambulance is coming.

"Finally!" We say in unison.

**Authors note: I have never cracked my skull so sorry if my information is wrong in this chapter and future chapters. Um.. Last chapter Trish doesn't know what Ally's dad does, Dez knows a little from Austin. Oh and sorry if you don't ship Auslly realationship. **

**Question of the day: Skittles vs M&Ms?**

**Thanks to all the reviewers, followers, and favoriters! It means a lot :) thanks a lot I will probably write one or more chapters today.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally.

* * *

_Ally's POV:_

I passed out, I woke up in the ambulance. There were E.M.T.'s all over. I have a mask over my mouth. I try to speak but I can't. And everything goes black again,but not before seeing Austin's face. He passed out as well. He looked very peaceful.

I'm sent to my memories. You know that expression, seeing your life pass before your eyes? Ya that's what I'm doing, except its not in a flash, it feels like hours as I'm gong through memories. I'm in the best memories. Memories of my mom. She alway toke care of me, when I was sick, sad, or just someone to turn to. I loved her, I love her.

Her funeral, one of most saddest and hurtful day of my life. It was the first beating I have ever encountered with my father. I was nine years old! It was the day of my mothers funeral! I will never forgive him for that. Most memories from then on was about getting beaten. I had good memories too like becoming friends with Trish, Austin, and Dez, but most memories were bad, the first time I cut, getting raped by my own father, and the beatings, they got worse. It's hard to hide the bruises and cuts most of the time. I usually used make up to cover things up or wore long sleeves.

I wondered if Austin hadn't have read my book, would he have figured it out. Probably not.

* * *

_Austin POV:_

I passed out for a few minutes, but I'm alright. The EMT's say I lost a lot of blood. I think I'm fine though. I'm worried about Ally. We are almost to the hospital and she doesn't look good. Her pulse is slow and almost nonexistent and she is looking pale.

A few minutes later the EMT's wheeled us into the hospital on gurneys. We were placed in different rooms. Everything was white and hospitally. I hate hospitals. It went from bright white to pitch black again. I passed out.

I woke up and I felt loads better. There was a doctor in the room taking off my

"Hello Austin , I'm Dr. Nelson, you lost a lot of blood in your accident. You needed a blood transfusion. You also needed stitches in two of your cuts."

"Hi Dr. Nelson, is Ally alright?"

"You may want to see for yourself."

"I can do that?"

"Yes, sign this and you'll be discharged." I signed the paper and changed.

I went to the main desk and asked where Ally's room was.

Room 245 2nd floor.

I walked in Ally's room and there are three nurses in the room. One of them start talking to me. "What's your realationship with Allyson Dawson?"

"Boyfriend." I say and she lets me walk in. "Her skull was cracked", the nurse told me. I nod and look at Ally. She looks so weak.

"Is she going to survive?

"Head injuries are tricky; it's difficult to predict how well the patient will recover (if at all).

"Having a cracked skull doesn't necessarily mean the patient will die. What matters most is how much the brain swells and what part of the brain is damaged. Also, the younger you are, the higher your chances of having a good outcome. In an accident bad enough to fracture the skull, there will be some amount of brain swelling." She replies.

* * *

_Ally's POV:_

I can see everything , I can hear everything . I'm out of my body.

Austin came up to me and kissed my cheek. "How's it going ally gator?"

"Good." I say though I know he can't hear me.

"Is she comatose?" He asks.

"Yes she is."

" what are you doing with her brain swelling?" Austin asked.

"We gave her medicine to stop the swelling, it's up to her now."

"Come on All's wake up." I try to concentrate to get back into my body, buts not working.

Austin stays with me for a while. After several hours he fell asleep. I see my dad walk into the room. Wait a minute... What is my dad doing here?! Austin sees him and blocks me.

"What are you doing here?", Austin asked him.

"I'm here to finish the job." He grab a gun and pointed it at Austin and...

**Authors note: I left ya with a little cliffy. ^-^ Thanks for all you readers. Please keep reading.**

**Question of the day: which season is the best to you?**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Austin &Ally**

_Ally's POV_

Everything is slow motion. I just into my body and I wake up from my coma. My dads about to shoot at Austin. He presses the trigger and and and I push Austin out of the way and swoop into his place. I fell the bullet hit me. I don't feel pain, I'm just numb. The room blackens. Great I'm in another coma. But it feels different. I feel my self slipping into death. Soon the black turned to white. I see my mother.

Austin's POV:

Ally just saved my life. Nurses heard the gunshot and toke Lester away. Ally got shot in the heart. Doctors say it will be a miracle if she survives. I'm hoping and praying she will be alright. She is brave and strong. I can't believe she did that. She could've possibly killed herself. Doctors toke her away into the surgery room to remove the bullet, and heal her heart.

_Lester's POV:_

That SOB Austin made me shoot my little girl. He's going to pay for this. He better watch out.

_Allys POV:_

"Am I dead?" I ask my mother.

"No honey, your not."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because even though its not your time yet, I have to warn you."

"About what?"

"Your father, he plans on killing Austin."

"Oh my gosh, what should I do?

"First you need to recover as fast as possible."

"Okay and?"

"You need to talk to police and tell them everything he has done to you."

"Okay", I sigh. A second I'm in the black again.

Two weeks later:

_Austins POV:_

Ally has been doing a lot better, but she hasn't woken up yet. The doctor reduced her brain swelling and even managed to heal her heart and take the bullet out. It's truly a miracle. I have stayed by her side every single day, I never left.

"C'mon Alls wake up", I attempt. I wanna try something. If Snow White could be woken by a kiss of her true love, why wouldn't it work for Ally? So I decided kiss her. It didn't work. I was a little disappointed. Last time she woke up I was at the brink of death. Maybe I should act like Im in danger? No that would scare her. "Ally please wake up, I want to see your beautiful eyes." "Ugh." I swear I just heard a groan.

"Ally is that you?

"Yeah." She said breathlessly.

"Your awake!"

"Ya Austin I have to tell you something.."

**Authors note: I'm not very proud of this chapter... Hope you liked it though. Thanks for reading!**

**Question of the day: Cake vs. Pie**

**ps Im updating AGAIN today, next chapter will be better**


	8. Perfect match

Disclaimer: I don't not own Austin and Ally.

**Austin POV: **

I wondered if she was going to tell me about her wrist, there were many scars on them. "What is it?"

"My father wants to kill you."Great.

"Don't worry Alls, he's in jail right now. His court meeting is in a week, which is a reason I wanted you to wake up. I think you should talk to the judge" I suggested. Surprisingly she just nodded. She looks like she's getting very pale. "I'm nervous..."

"I know Alls, but it's going to be alright", I leaned in and hugged her. She started tearing up.

"It's just that... My dad has abused me for so long, and he has hurt me physically and mentally." She reaches her arm out so I can see the scars on her wrist. "I started cutting myself a year or so ago, I thought that if my dad saw that he would realize how far he hurt me mentally. It actually worked for a while, until he stopped caring. I'm scared he will be let free."

"Ally, you shouldn't have cut yourself, those marks are going to stick with you forever. Have you stopped?" I say

"I know I shouldn't have done it...I don't know what I was thinking, and of course I've stopped."

"Good, please don't do it again, and don't worry about your dad. He will be in jail for the rest of his miserable life if we have something to do with it.

"Mmhmm", Ally mumbles before she falls asleep on my shoulder.

***Ally's Dream***

It's a dark room. I hear a sound, like a gun shot. I think it's pointed at me so I run, I run, and I run. Then I sound someone cry out in pain, but I don't see anything. "Hello?" Just then a light came on. "Hello Ally" I hear my father say. I look around the room and I see Lester with a gun, and pale Austin with blood coming out of the right shoulder of his shirt.

"What did you do him?!", I scream on the top of my lungs.

"I told you I was going to kill him, and now that you are all alone I'm going to kill you too."

I'm off again. I run as fast and far as I can. I hear a gunshot, and for a second I imagine I'm normal ,and my life is normal, and I'm just at a track competition. I come back to reality, when my asthma starts acting up. I realize I can't run forever, and I know my life is going to end soon. I stop and turn around, and my father walks right into me. His gun falls out of hand and I grab it. If his life ends, mine won't. Am I really going to shot my own father? Yes. I aim the gun straight at his head and I'm about to pull the trigger as I hear Austin shout my name. "Ally!" "Ally wake up!"

I wake up and realized it was just a dream. "I'm up! I'm up!

"Good, a doctor is here to check on the gun shot stitches to see if its infected", I hear Austins mother say. I nodded.

"I bought something for you." said Mimi. She gave me a present. I opened it and and saw a portable keyboard.

"Aw thanks Mimi!"

"Your welcome, this way you can play in the hospital without leaving your bed.

"Where's Austin?"

"He in the cafeteria eating breakfast." That sounds good I'm hungry.

"When can I eat?"

"Soon."

"I want you to breathe in and out deeply okay?" I do as I am told and the nurse smiles "good" she says.

"it seems everything is in good shape, you are truly a miracle Ms. Dawson." Says the nurse before she leaves the room.

"She's right you know." I hear a voice call out from the doorway. I turn my head and see Austin with a mini cereal box of apple jacks, my favorite cereal as a kid. I look at the box with hunger.

"Thanks, is that for me?"

"Yep, can she have it mom?"

"Hold on," she says as she exited the room. She comes back after a minute or so"yes you may eat."

"Ok...yay!" I take the cereal box and eat it until its all gone and I smile I smile of pleasure.

"You feel better?"

"Mmhmm"

"So what do you want to do?"

"We could make a new song...?

"We don't have any instruments..."

"Yeah we do." I reach under my bed and get out the portable keyboard and put it on the table over my bed. I toke out my song book. "This is a song I was working on before..." I started singing-

Last summer we met. We started as friends.

I can't tell you how it all happened.

And all of it came. We were never the same.

Those nights everything felt like magic.

And I wonder if you miss me too.

If you don't, here's the one thing that I wish you knew.

I think about you, every morning when I open my eyes.

I think about you, every evening when I turn out the lights.

I think about you, every moment every day of of my life.

You're on my mind, all the time. It's true.

Austin looks at the song and started singing along

How long till I stop pretending.

What we have is never ending.

Oh..oh-o. If all we are is just a moment.

Don't forget me because I want it.

I can't help myself. I think about you.

Ooo..ooo. I think about you. Yeah.

I think about you, every morning when I open my eyes.

I think about you, every evening when I turn out the lights.

I think about you, every moment every day of my life.

You're on my mind, all the time it's true.

I think about you. You, you, you, you.

"Whoa this song is amazing !" He says excitedly

"Thanks Austin!" I say as I hug him. I decided to surprise him. I kissed him straight on the lips. He deepened the kiss, it is amazing. I feel as if he is my perfect match, my soulmate. We pull apart "I love you .", I smile.

"I love you too Allygator."

"Don't call me Allygator."

"Ok Allybear"

"I'm a bear?" I laugh.

"Fine I love you beautiful." I blush

"Thanks Austin."

"I mean it. You are beautiful, no not beautiful, gorgeous. Your brown eyes I lose myself in every single time I look in them. Your smile brightens up every one in the room. You hair is like gold, it's just beautiful. Your body is perfect, you are perfect. You ar my perfect match."

"Awwww Austin, and you are my perfect match I just know it."

**An: ok sorry I haven't updated in forever! I've been really really busy! I haven't given up with this story I promise. Tell me your suggestions, if you have any. Please review, thanks for reading!**


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